Stress: Comes with the Job

I used to be an undergraduate student in college, so I have stressed over essays and finishing my homework on time. I have stressed over what I will be doing after college and who I should get reference letters from. Going to school was my job so I would do what I could to finish my job without delays. I graduated by the skin of my teeth and I questioned if I did enough once my official diploma was in my hands.

In the five years that I have been to school, I was always stressed. It grew at an alarming rate by my senior year in college, but I could calculate where the stress was coming from.

The one thing I never did have while I was in school got myself sick from the stress. My body and my mind had been affected by the stress my schooling brought –like headaches while cramming for a test or the emotional drain from the long list of things I had to turn in by the end of the week— but I never truly got sick from the stress.

It was sometime two weeks ago when I knew when I was ill. I felt weird for the few days beforehand, but I knew I had to work. The fear of missing time and getting sick keep me going. If I am being honest, I did not want to get fired for being sick.

I had to open the store the morning I got sick. On days I must open, I get up earlier than normal and scramble to taking care of my dog, have a quick breakfast and make my lunch for the day. I am not a morning person, so it takes me some time to wake up.

The minute I got up that morning I felt cursed. I had to open that morning, but my head felt inflated like a balloon and I felt faint. It took me longer than normal to get up from my bed and take the dog out. It took me longer than normal to make breakfast.

I remember sitting on the floor by my closet door looking at my clothes and bursting into tears. I was dizzy and felt like death. I keep repeating, “I have to go to work.”

After my sister connived me to call in and telling my manager I could not come in that morning, I left a message on my manager’s work phone. It went something like this: ‘Hey [Manager’s name], I can’t come in this morning because I am sick. I think I have a cold and things are moving when they are not supposed to. I will come in later if I feel better. I am sorry about this.’

I went to bed after that and I was out in minutes. I woke up and checked to see that it was after three o’clock in the afternoon. I felt more refreshed, so I went to work and was there until the store was closed.

The next day, I was completely fine, like the day before never happened. I believe I got so stressed that I made myself sick. I have never gotten that sick while attending college.

I knew this retail job and everything else I am dealing with caused me to get ill for a brief time. I can not really explain how I know this and I may be wrong, but it just makes sense to me.

I am trying way too hard to be an adult. For example, I am thinking my current job and dealing with car insurance has the same stress level. Dealing with the immediate public for more than five hours every day is not the same as figuring out what is the best $500 deductible rate for your car is.

During the job interview, my current manager told me that retail is a stressful job and a lot of work. I did not know that being stressed in retail is one of the job requirements. It is no different than going to school because of the amount of work it takes to get your degree. It is when you mix being a responsible adult and a real-life job.

I know I am not the only person who has been stressed with their first job out of college, no matter, if it is something they went to school for or the job, is a stepping stone. For me, I do not blame my current position, but I did not think it would be as difficult as it is. I did not know that I could get physically sick from working at this job.

I have not gotten sick since then, but I am slowly figuring out how to deal with the pressures and stress I get every day now that I must be an “adult.”

                           

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